My Inner Child

I made it back from PEI this week. It was a marathon of a trip - Leaving Wichita on Thursday morning at 7am and driving 3.5 hours to Kansas City (3 hours at the speed limit my ass Mapquest!), Flying to DC, Customs in Halifax, then driving 3 hours (actually my brother Jon drove) to PEI to FINALLY arrive at 3 in the morning. My brother's currently living in PEI, and my sister Alyson flew in on Saturday morning. The three of us being together is always a pretty wild time - I honestly don't know many siblibngs who are more loyal to each other than we are - we will tease and fight with each other but God help anyone else who tries to come between us. PEI has some pretty strong emotional ties for all of us -The Jenkins' have lived in the same little community in PEI for eight generations - I kid you not - we were on PEI before the bloody Vikings. I spent the happiest and saddest moments of my childhood there and everytime I go back there's no other way I can describe it but "home". How can a place create such strong emotions? It is the memories? the familiarity? The family roots? Whatever it is, I cannot be cured of it. They say maritimers are among the most loyal people to their birthplace. Most of them leave when they figure out they need to make a living and "Unemployment Insurance" is among the top career choices available, but they ALWAYS come back. We have a couple of friends from Newfoundland who were living out the American dream in Oregon - she was a well-paid nurse, he was a well-paid engineer, they lived in a big house, rode around in a convertible and went sailing on their sailboat on the weekends. But, being from Newfoundland, home called to them and they could not ignore it. They're currently fighting storms, waves and physical reserves to sail up the East Coast back to Newfoundland - the Northern tip mind you - to settle and take over the family business. This dedication and loyalty to one's roots gives me hope. I worry about the loss of culture and identity in our homogenous society. I am inspired by my friends' loyalty and commitment to their culture and their home. Being home this last time has also settled some conflicting personal issues for me and helped me decide to also be loyal to my roots. That's why next year, I'll be introducing my past to my children, when I take them to PEI for the summer. They'll meet a whole family they didn't know they had, play in the ocean, pet farm animals and eat garden-fresh vegetables. They will help keep my past alive, and also help bring it into the future.

Gramma Jean

Well it's 9:30pm and I'm packing to head across the country into a different country tomorrow morning. My gramma Jean died this morning - she went to sleep last night and just didn't wake up - she was 88, no major health issues, still lived in her house and drank beer straight from the bottle - we all loved her. I haven't even had time to be sad about it, since I've been to busy dealing with work, teaching, groceries and the logistics of "how in the hell am I going to get there by tomorrow night?". PEI is not the easiest place to get to. A flight from here to there costs $1500 (I know!!). So, after spending an hour on the phone this afternoon with Eugene and comparing online travel sites and airfare prices ("change the date, ok, now change the destination airport, ok now change the arrival airport"), I found a "clearance fare" from Kansas City to Halifax, Canada - a 2.5 hour drive away from PEI - for $700- we shuffled the credit card balances around and grabbed it. Thank god my boss was really understanding and there was no crises going on at work this week (but there goes my easy "rest of the week" - read previous blog below). I'll take the camera - my family should provide some amusing photo opps for sure - and report on how it all went when I'm back on Tuesday.

Super mom - Yeah Right

I apologize to my loyal readers (yes, you two) that I haven't written in a while. You can usually assumer super-bloggers are really busy when they haven't written in a while (or else they're just in a lame patch and have nothing to write about). I know I'm lame, but I've also been super busy - teaching a kids documentary filmmaking camp (awesome), producing a video for our congressman and chair of the National Endowement of the Arts (also awesome), Flying around in an airplane (more on that later), planning out an editing workshop I'm conducting tommorow at the Eagle, sending out invites for a pizza party for my 5-year old on Friday night with 10 of his closest friends, - oh and I also have a full-time job, 2 kids, husband, dog and a house that never seems to get fully cleaned.

"Wow, how impressive" you might say, or "how does she do it?" - well...I can't.

Things came to a bit of a climax last night. I had worked all wekend on a "wichita's Public Art is great!" video, spent Sunday running 5 miles in the morning (oh yes - I'm in training for the sept. half-marathon), 3 hours at the airshow (105 degrees on the tarmac), and then racing to meet the DC folks at the art museum at 3:30. I knew I had a full day on Monday and I also realized I was expected to attend the post-event dinner at 6-8pm. Now, I signed my daughter up for swim classes on Mondays at 5:30 to have some mommy-Genevieve time and I was adament I could do both. So there I was racing from work after a full day of events and presentations, picking up my daughter at daycare, throwing Capri Sun and Gogurt (best invention ever) at her to choke down in the car on the way to the Y. I got through the class with her, got her dry and changed in break-neck speed, while also trying to look my best with wet hair and bad makeup, met my husband (who was getting certified in belaying because Josh has taken up rock climbing), and left her crying in his arms (" No work mommy, no work again"), I sped half-sobbing to the hostess' house, where I downed 2 glasses of wine and did my best to be charming and hob-nob with the DC crowd. Uggghhhh.

You know what's really sad? This scene is actually pretty typical of many moms out there. We grew up with our moms working and not "being there" for us and vowed not to do the same for our kids, But then we get out in the real world after college and realize that most of us either have ambitions of our own, or just plain have to work to keep a roof over our head, so goddammit we can do both. The fact that I spent 30 minutes in swim class makes up for the fact that I couldn't put her to bed right??? I spend the weekend doing fantastic, exciting things with them to make up for working all week - that evens things out right?? We fly up to Canada and spend 2 weeks with the grandparents to make up for the fact that they are not around for the rest of the year - the exciting vacation makes up for it right?

There are no easy answers out there - It is fiscally and emotionally impossible for me to stay at home with the kids - Euge and I are ambitious, active people and we like to do things that usually cost money. But we are also assessing our values and trying harder to live our lives by what's really important to us. I hope we can find a middle road and alleviate some of the guilt on my part - which interestingly enough, Eugene feels none of - another paradox of dads and moms' roles in society...but that's for another day!


In other news...Euge finally got his Private Pilot's Liscence and took us all up for a flight on Saturday!! I was initally nervous but settled down right after we started taxiing down the runway - The "pilot" was all professional and cool and he totally knew what he was doing. The flight was awesome - I was totally impressed with my husband - he rocks!!

Attention Everyone

I've been having a hard time focusing on things lately. Thoughts race through my head at lightning speed and and I have trouble concentrating on one thing at a time. I was watching TV yesterday when a commercial came on for Adult ADD. There was a lady in a meeting at her work and her thoughts were wondering around aimlessly and her boss had to snap her out of it. "I have found the answer" I thought - "I have adult ADD".

My intensive research into the matter (google) came up with a handy selection of questionnaires that you simply fill out to determine of you in fact, do have adult ADD. Sample yes/no/sometimes questions included:

1. At home, work, or school, I find my mind wandering from tasks that are uninteresting or difficult.
2. I say things without thinking, and later regret having said them.
3. I fidget or squirm with my hands or feet when I have to sit down for a long time.
4. I have trouble wrapping up the final details of a project, once the challenging parts have been done.

OK now I was convinced, I really DO have adult ADD. With each questionnaire came a handy drug associated with it to soothe your uncontrollable impulses and put those fidgety hands at ease. Strattera claims it delivers focus, calmness and is non-habit forming. Sign me up!! Ohhhh...but then I read about the side effects - Nausea, Tiredness, liver damage and (my personal favorite) suicidal thoughts. Hmmm...fidgeting vs. wanting to kill myself - that's a real pickle. Luckily there were plenty of other drugs out there, but they all pretty much came with the same negative baggage. I then logged on to the National Resource Center on AD/HD (attention-Deficit Hyper-Activity Disorder) and it stated that "unfortunately, there is no simple test (like a blood test or a short written test) to determine whether someone has AD/HD....Accurate diagnosis is made only by a trained clinician after an extensive evaluation. This evaluation should include ruling out other possible causes for the symptoms involved, a thorough physical examination, and a series of interviews with the individual (child or adult) and other key persons in the individual's life (for example, parents, spouse, teachers, and others)."

That got me thinking about those questions listed above - I mean, am I crazy to assume that we all try to avoid boring tasks, say things we later regret and squirm once in a while? Maybe I'm just in complete denial but those tendencies all sound pretty...dare I say..normal? I'm sure there are legit cases of Adult ADD out there, but I worry that these drug companies are encouraging people to take drugs who may actually just be just bored at work. As for me, I'm going to keep practicing my meditation, really work at calming my mind (no more 3-cup of coffee days), and I heard that fidgeting actually burns tons of calories - so I'll keep squirming away!!

Summer Time!!

Wow - I can't believe summer is upon us. Here in Kansas we've had such a wet Spring that it hardly seems real that it's almost the end of June - normally I'd be peeling the clothes away from my skin it's so hot and humid here (the first time I visited Wichita I wondered how anyone could have decent hair.) As you may have already gleemed from previous posts, I'm a hyper goal-oriented person that needs constant and ever-changing tasks to stay amused. Yes, it's a throwback to a childhood filled with a TV for a babysitter, a real dutch babysitter that would feed us milky, sweet coffee and sugar sandwiches for snack (mmmm...sugar...), and an unstable adolesence to say the least (we won't even go there). Anyhooo... I'm not going to use excuses for being a little crazy but instead embrace the fact that I'm always up for trying something new, look forward to challenges, and have a lot of positive energy to keep up with my darling (ahem ahem) children, husband and job.

So..Summer Goals?

- Read a couple of great books - Nothing inspires me like reading about someone else's adventure through life and having a life-altering experience that makes them a changed, but better person - I'm open to suggestions.

- Watch a couple of great documentaries - again, open to suggestions

- Take the fam. to Oceans of Fun in Kansas City - our family LOVES waterparks

- Become involved in our local film commission - it hosts our annual film festival (http://www.tallgrassfilmfest.com/) that is growing every year and it's a great opportunity to meet more film and video folks.

- Learn to relax more and enjoy the moment.

- Do something video-related every day - I need to hone my craft (which is also my passion and fules creativity and happiness).

- Go on more dates with my husband - sometimes the ones dearest to us are the ones we take for granted the most.

- Get the family to try more new things - there are a lot of cool things happening in Wichita (which I learn about thanks to my newspaper and online news site (www.kansas.com). Every weekend is filled with free, fun and interesting things to do. I'm really commited to getting out and supporting local efforts at revitalizing our downtown area.

- not over-plan and over-goal.

yay for summer!!

1 week Meat-Free

Well it's been one week living meat-free for me. Thoughts:

- I didn't lose a pound, but feel much lighter.
- I have more energy and don't feel as sluggish as I usually do after I eat.
- I haven't had this much gas since I was pregnant (they say this will "pass" - haha)
- overall, I think it's a good start and I've decided to stick with it.

I didn't fare as well on my other goals of cutting out sugar, salt, caffeine and other fatty foods. I've really tried limited my dairy consumption to low-fat or fat-free, and I haven't been adding salt to foods, which is an accomplishment - for me anyways. I feel like I'm cheating since I still eat fish, but maybe I'll start decreasing that too (but not shellfish - never!!). I have certainly eaten more veggies and fiber than before, and my body feels good for it. I also feel good about the switch from an environmental standpoint and ethical standpoint. The only thing that had always bothered me about vegetarianism was the perceived self-righteousness that goes along with it. I'm going to take the advice of the Dalai Lama - he says that buddhists should always practice vegetarianism and look for a vegetarian option, but if none is avaliable, you are to to accept, be grateful, and eat the food that is presented to you - meat-free or not. I like this because my upbringing would never allow me to turn down a meal someone prepared for me as a guest in their home because I decided to become a vegetarian (I know this seems wimpy and I do respect those who feel differently).

Enough about me - Eugene got his Private Pilot's Lisence - hooray!! I think it is so cool that he accomplished something most people just put on their "things to do before I die" list and forget about. Of course it doesn't hurt that he's a flight test engineer - unfair advantage. Maybe I'll get my liscence to and we can be like the "Danger Bay" family (Canadians would get this reference to beloved CBC cheesy favorite) and all fly planes and helicopters simultaneously :)

My little Scientist

I hate to hurt the feelings of all you parents out there but I have to be honest - my son is the smartest kid in the world. The sooner everyone accepts this, the better off we'll all be. Honestly though, I was pretty amazed at him yesterday. After an elaborate treasure hunt my husband concocted (yes, we are those types of parents - crazy), Joshua was allowed to cash in the jar of coins he found and spend them any way he wanted at Toys R Us. Of all the things he saw and could have, he decided on a Junior Scientist kit. Needless to say I was a little surprised - and humbled. This is not MY child. I would have straight for the mini-trampoline and spent the entire summer perfecting my front flip and breaking my back. Eugene, on the other hand, was thrilled with the science kit and told me how jealous he was of his brother's when he was small. They spent 2 hours making "experiments" last night while I cleaned the house (nice eh?). Oh well, there's always Genevieve - she's bossy, over-zealous, loud, and has absolutely zero attention span - come to think of it, she IS my child!!