My Inner Child

I made it back from PEI this week. It was a marathon of a trip - Leaving Wichita on Thursday morning at 7am and driving 3.5 hours to Kansas City (3 hours at the speed limit my ass Mapquest!), Flying to DC, Customs in Halifax, then driving 3 hours (actually my brother Jon drove) to PEI to FINALLY arrive at 3 in the morning. My brother's currently living in PEI, and my sister Alyson flew in on Saturday morning. The three of us being together is always a pretty wild time - I honestly don't know many siblibngs who are more loyal to each other than we are - we will tease and fight with each other but God help anyone else who tries to come between us. PEI has some pretty strong emotional ties for all of us -The Jenkins' have lived in the same little community in PEI for eight generations - I kid you not - we were on PEI before the bloody Vikings. I spent the happiest and saddest moments of my childhood there and everytime I go back there's no other way I can describe it but "home". How can a place create such strong emotions? It is the memories? the familiarity? The family roots? Whatever it is, I cannot be cured of it. They say maritimers are among the most loyal people to their birthplace. Most of them leave when they figure out they need to make a living and "Unemployment Insurance" is among the top career choices available, but they ALWAYS come back. We have a couple of friends from Newfoundland who were living out the American dream in Oregon - she was a well-paid nurse, he was a well-paid engineer, they lived in a big house, rode around in a convertible and went sailing on their sailboat on the weekends. But, being from Newfoundland, home called to them and they could not ignore it. They're currently fighting storms, waves and physical reserves to sail up the East Coast back to Newfoundland - the Northern tip mind you - to settle and take over the family business. This dedication and loyalty to one's roots gives me hope. I worry about the loss of culture and identity in our homogenous society. I am inspired by my friends' loyalty and commitment to their culture and their home. Being home this last time has also settled some conflicting personal issues for me and helped me decide to also be loyal to my roots. That's why next year, I'll be introducing my past to my children, when I take them to PEI for the summer. They'll meet a whole family they didn't know they had, play in the ocean, pet farm animals and eat garden-fresh vegetables. They will help keep my past alive, and also help bring it into the future.

Gramma Jean

Well it's 9:30pm and I'm packing to head across the country into a different country tomorrow morning. My gramma Jean died this morning - she went to sleep last night and just didn't wake up - she was 88, no major health issues, still lived in her house and drank beer straight from the bottle - we all loved her. I haven't even had time to be sad about it, since I've been to busy dealing with work, teaching, groceries and the logistics of "how in the hell am I going to get there by tomorrow night?". PEI is not the easiest place to get to. A flight from here to there costs $1500 (I know!!). So, after spending an hour on the phone this afternoon with Eugene and comparing online travel sites and airfare prices ("change the date, ok, now change the destination airport, ok now change the arrival airport"), I found a "clearance fare" from Kansas City to Halifax, Canada - a 2.5 hour drive away from PEI - for $700- we shuffled the credit card balances around and grabbed it. Thank god my boss was really understanding and there was no crises going on at work this week (but there goes my easy "rest of the week" - read previous blog below). I'll take the camera - my family should provide some amusing photo opps for sure - and report on how it all went when I'm back on Tuesday.

Super mom - Yeah Right

I apologize to my loyal readers (yes, you two) that I haven't written in a while. You can usually assumer super-bloggers are really busy when they haven't written in a while (or else they're just in a lame patch and have nothing to write about). I know I'm lame, but I've also been super busy - teaching a kids documentary filmmaking camp (awesome), producing a video for our congressman and chair of the National Endowement of the Arts (also awesome), Flying around in an airplane (more on that later), planning out an editing workshop I'm conducting tommorow at the Eagle, sending out invites for a pizza party for my 5-year old on Friday night with 10 of his closest friends, - oh and I also have a full-time job, 2 kids, husband, dog and a house that never seems to get fully cleaned.

"Wow, how impressive" you might say, or "how does she do it?" - well...I can't.

Things came to a bit of a climax last night. I had worked all wekend on a "wichita's Public Art is great!" video, spent Sunday running 5 miles in the morning (oh yes - I'm in training for the sept. half-marathon), 3 hours at the airshow (105 degrees on the tarmac), and then racing to meet the DC folks at the art museum at 3:30. I knew I had a full day on Monday and I also realized I was expected to attend the post-event dinner at 6-8pm. Now, I signed my daughter up for swim classes on Mondays at 5:30 to have some mommy-Genevieve time and I was adament I could do both. So there I was racing from work after a full day of events and presentations, picking up my daughter at daycare, throwing Capri Sun and Gogurt (best invention ever) at her to choke down in the car on the way to the Y. I got through the class with her, got her dry and changed in break-neck speed, while also trying to look my best with wet hair and bad makeup, met my husband (who was getting certified in belaying because Josh has taken up rock climbing), and left her crying in his arms (" No work mommy, no work again"), I sped half-sobbing to the hostess' house, where I downed 2 glasses of wine and did my best to be charming and hob-nob with the DC crowd. Uggghhhh.

You know what's really sad? This scene is actually pretty typical of many moms out there. We grew up with our moms working and not "being there" for us and vowed not to do the same for our kids, But then we get out in the real world after college and realize that most of us either have ambitions of our own, or just plain have to work to keep a roof over our head, so goddammit we can do both. The fact that I spent 30 minutes in swim class makes up for the fact that I couldn't put her to bed right??? I spend the weekend doing fantastic, exciting things with them to make up for working all week - that evens things out right?? We fly up to Canada and spend 2 weeks with the grandparents to make up for the fact that they are not around for the rest of the year - the exciting vacation makes up for it right?

There are no easy answers out there - It is fiscally and emotionally impossible for me to stay at home with the kids - Euge and I are ambitious, active people and we like to do things that usually cost money. But we are also assessing our values and trying harder to live our lives by what's really important to us. I hope we can find a middle road and alleviate some of the guilt on my part - which interestingly enough, Eugene feels none of - another paradox of dads and moms' roles in society...but that's for another day!


In other news...Euge finally got his Private Pilot's Liscence and took us all up for a flight on Saturday!! I was initally nervous but settled down right after we started taxiing down the runway - The "pilot" was all professional and cool and he totally knew what he was doing. The flight was awesome - I was totally impressed with my husband - he rocks!!

Attention Everyone

I've been having a hard time focusing on things lately. Thoughts race through my head at lightning speed and and I have trouble concentrating on one thing at a time. I was watching TV yesterday when a commercial came on for Adult ADD. There was a lady in a meeting at her work and her thoughts were wondering around aimlessly and her boss had to snap her out of it. "I have found the answer" I thought - "I have adult ADD".

My intensive research into the matter (google) came up with a handy selection of questionnaires that you simply fill out to determine of you in fact, do have adult ADD. Sample yes/no/sometimes questions included:

1. At home, work, or school, I find my mind wandering from tasks that are uninteresting or difficult.
2. I say things without thinking, and later regret having said them.
3. I fidget or squirm with my hands or feet when I have to sit down for a long time.
4. I have trouble wrapping up the final details of a project, once the challenging parts have been done.

OK now I was convinced, I really DO have adult ADD. With each questionnaire came a handy drug associated with it to soothe your uncontrollable impulses and put those fidgety hands at ease. Strattera claims it delivers focus, calmness and is non-habit forming. Sign me up!! Ohhhh...but then I read about the side effects - Nausea, Tiredness, liver damage and (my personal favorite) suicidal thoughts. Hmmm...fidgeting vs. wanting to kill myself - that's a real pickle. Luckily there were plenty of other drugs out there, but they all pretty much came with the same negative baggage. I then logged on to the National Resource Center on AD/HD (attention-Deficit Hyper-Activity Disorder) and it stated that "unfortunately, there is no simple test (like a blood test or a short written test) to determine whether someone has AD/HD....Accurate diagnosis is made only by a trained clinician after an extensive evaluation. This evaluation should include ruling out other possible causes for the symptoms involved, a thorough physical examination, and a series of interviews with the individual (child or adult) and other key persons in the individual's life (for example, parents, spouse, teachers, and others)."

That got me thinking about those questions listed above - I mean, am I crazy to assume that we all try to avoid boring tasks, say things we later regret and squirm once in a while? Maybe I'm just in complete denial but those tendencies all sound pretty...dare I say..normal? I'm sure there are legit cases of Adult ADD out there, but I worry that these drug companies are encouraging people to take drugs who may actually just be just bored at work. As for me, I'm going to keep practicing my meditation, really work at calming my mind (no more 3-cup of coffee days), and I heard that fidgeting actually burns tons of calories - so I'll keep squirming away!!